So bit of a weird title eh? You'll understand the meaning of "not being too honest" as this post goes on. First I'd like to wish an Eid Mubarak (which I believe means Happy Eid,could be wrong though) to all my brother and sister Muslims out there! I may not be the best practicing Muslim on the planet, or do what I'm supposed to all the time; but I still have a lot of love and respect for my culture and religion. Those ISIS terrorist scumbags are more likely to kill a Shia Muslim like myself than a Caucasian, Christian Westerner. It makes me sad sometimes that I was barred service in the Military (because of my disease first and then my bag after of course), my Cadre at Military School said I could do some great work in Intelligence. Looks like I'll just have to find other ways to change the world for the better!
Anyway so as I said in my last post I went out with Biker MILF again last night. We originally met at the bars on Capital Hill, Cha-Chas specifically. Unfortunately it was Trivia Night (which is ANNOYING AS FUCK) so I suggest heading to The Unicorn instead. We get there and it turns out Biker MILF has lost her ID, we try backtracking but are unfortunately unable to find it. She suggests that p we can go to her place and hangout (but I know her son is home and I won't get any action -_-) so I suggest we go to a park. Her face lit up and she said she knew the perfect place, so we jump in her car and head off an our adventure! We get there and I'm not sure what park it is but it is actually ROMANTIC AS FUCK and the view is TOTALLY INSANE! It had a lighthouse, was right next to the beach and had all those like... rocks stacked on the beach. It really looked like something out of a postcard, especially as we got to watch the sunset. I had to empty my bag when we got there and of course there was no bathrooms around, luckily I keep paper towels and a small bottle of water in my pockets (you should too if you have an Ostomy, it's dead useful in situations like this #prepared). Biker MILF also happens to be a nurse (I swear she reminded me of Tara out of "Sons of Anarchy" and legit looked like a less attractive version of Tara Reid, she was still pretty bangin though), so she was interested in hearing all about my Ostomy bag and medical struggles. I normally still tell people what I'm doing when I need to empty because I don't give a shit what they think and I'm trying to build awareness anyway; however... I definitely felt more comfortable explaining things to her! Pretty sure some guy saw me as he was walking past on the trail too HAHAHA (is it illegal to empty Ostomy bags in public? Whoops, don't mind me bro I'm just taking a shite).
We end up heading down to the beach after I'm done, it really is a super romantic spot. Since this is our 3rd date and we've been making out pretty hard every date previous I think now would be the perfect time to make a move. So I do and we end up hooking up (but not really making it much farther than 2nd base). She states that she only sleeps with people in relationships (now you have to remember I actually legit like this woman, so I mention that's probably something we could do as I thought that's where it was leading..... but no), she says it's not me, it's her. -_- Is there a rolling eyes emoji on WordPress? Oldest excuse in the book, so I get all quiet of course, even though I've been studying pickup for the last 6 months, every time I get out of the hospital or surgery/near death experience; I'm a needy, desperate, anxious, emotional, reactive FUCK! We're working on it though :), anyway she gives me all the reasons she's worried about getting into something so quickly (did I mention my biggest fear in dating is getting Friend Zoned?) She of course reassures me that she IS IN FACT totally interested in me (probably was just turned off by the fact that I was even pushing for a relationship, I have GOT to start taking my own dating advice haha). However she's been cheated on so many times she's afraid, I tell her I get it and it's ok, we end up heading back to her place.
Now... I understand she certainly has her "men issues", her ex beat the shit out of her (had the pics to prove it), however there's no way for me to reassure me I'm not just another player, actions speak louder than words after all. So we smoke a few cigarettes and chat and she really opened my eyes to the fact that "because I'm always pushing for a relationship/sex instead of just letting the connection flow naturally and organically, I'm turning off and scaring away women that would otherwise LOVE to date me!" I've been so afraid of the "Friend Zone" that I'm not letting things flow naturally and I'm being waaaay too pushy/incongruent with myself. Now, don't think I'm over here becoming a white knight beta male, however I'm starting to understand that while Pickup and Seduction tactics absolutely DO WORK, if the obsession consumes you; you can no longer naturally connect with anyone. That's the mistake I've been making, she also mentioned how she thought the first half of our first date was incredible, but when I started overanalyzing stuff and talking about how I study Pickup and Seduction, every common ground we'd gained, every romantic gesture I'd made, every kiss, it all became suspect; she now knew she was just a number to me (she wasn't but that's what it felt like to her). There is certainly something to say about being a Masculine Bad Boy who embodies Byronic Traits and is Dominant and Purposeful in going for what he wants, however you can't be ALL ALPHA all the time. Again I'm not saying be beta, but her advice was to be just a bit more vulnerable and let women naturally connect with me. She also said she couldn't understand how a gorgeous guy like me who was so well articulated and ambitious could be single, but now she understood and I do too.
Lessons learned, we still ended up breaking things off; but at least now I know where the missing connection was before and why I couldn't put together any lasting relationships. Being a Player is only hot to an extent, you have to be a human being too (not an emotionless robot). As I learn more and more about people and how they work, their minds and personalities fascinate me; I only hope that the research that I do and what I learn about "The Game", Social Skills and how to be a pro at them with a Disability/Depression/Anxiety can help others not make the same mistakes as me!
P.S. I posted a picture of Biker MILF and I at the lighthouse beach, however I blacked out her face, I don't think my buddies mind being on my blog; but as for women that I go on dates with/sleep with I'd like to preserve their privacy (hence the fake names and blacked out faces :)).