I’m Damn Good at Hiding When I’m in Pain

Chances are if you have a chronic illness/pain you probably are too. It grinds my gears that there are still people out there who think Chronic Pain is all in our heads -_-, like hello wouldn’t we rather be normal? I still tried my best to have a good night regardless though, finally got a hold of DJ Hobbit during my workout and he sent me the address, making me promise to only give it to Tyga and one other friend (neither ended up showing up, so I again had to make a bunch of new friends, the last two parties have been like the first day of high school I swear).

            When I got to the party everything was chill they were just setting up, at the Microsoft Commercial Audition earlier I had popped a Klonopin so even though I was anxious I knew I couldn’t afford to take another one. I’ve been staggering half doses (adding up to 0.5 per day) for particularly stressful or social situations while I use .25 for more regular situations. I wasn’t going to let the fact that I was anxious stop me though! So I went through all the motions of introducing myself to random people, it took me a little while to get back into character (when you’ve been stuck in the hospital/on bed rest and mostly by yourself for a month you’re a bit rusty), my flirting game was even MORE rusty and the first few girls I talked too seemed interested but I sure couldn’t keep the conversation going. Let’s just say it took me over an hour and a half to actually settle in and start relaxing a little and I nearly took off numerous times just because it was hard to deal with (I refuse to let anxiety limit my life).

            Fun fact to add the cops showed up at around 11 (the exact time I walked out to go put my vape away) so I got stuck outside for a few minutes with them and a few latecomers to the party along with the house owner. However even though they said the “party was over” the only real complaint the neighbors had was cars were all over their neighborhood (the wealthy don’t deal with that kind of thing of course “sarcastically”) this was in Woodinville after all and the houses there had to be at least 1,000,000$+ (Mcmansions basically). So the smarter ones of us just ended up moving our cars to other locations (I picked a genius spot right across the street) and just went back to the party; we all just walked right past the cops I mean it’s not like we were breaking any laws.

            Once I got back I saw DJ Hobbit getting in an argument with a crew of guys from up North (the same crew he’d been terrified of me giving the address too, though I have my own personal differences with them). Their “leader” who we’ll call The Party Address Prince (because he basically blows up any and all party addresses he’s given), was telling DJ Hobbit that they weren’t going to cause any trouble and that they had brought “6 bitches” so he should let them stay; I was pretty sure DJ Hobbit probably couldn’t muster the manpower to get them out regardless (despite his people outnumbering them 3:1), he just simply doesn’t have the leadership capability. I was simply standing by to try and diplomatically end things if need be, as I have done many times before when DJ Hobbit’s arse has been in the frying pan/fire. I also assured him that I wasn’t the one who had sent The Party Address Prince the address or any of his crew, after all I had only given it to Tyga and one other person, neither of whom like The Party Address Prince or any of his group.

            By this time I think I’d introduced myself to pretty much every dude at the party (I kind of talked to a few girls here and there but it’s hard to jump back into Cold Approach when you’ve been out of the game for awhile), but luckily a pack of my buddies showed up so I finally had wingmen! One of them is not only in a relationship but gets utterly tanked at every moment of every day so he was a bit useless in that regard (though I love him to death, one of those dudes that would literally always be there for you). One of the other guys was a bit older, we’ll call him Californian Amazonian (because he’s from Cali and works for Amazon), he’s not shy but doesn’t talk much either so I ask him if he’d like to assist me picking up girls and he agrees.

            I ended up getting 6 numbers (including one who will call Young Law School Chick, since she’s in Law School at 20 wtf?). That one was kind of funny because I literally couldn’t remember her name after talking to her for half an hour and I’m 90% sure the guy she told me to ask is either banging her or has a massive crush on her and it’s unrequited. Very awkward, anyway I wasn’t able to escalate any of these girls whatsoever because suddenly…….. I started getting this weird feeling in my stomach! I started feeling EXTREMELY nauseous, my butt started hurting (phantom rectal pain, even though I don’t have a butt anymore), it seemed to be relieved by peeing a lot but something seemed wrong and I just felt extremely ill. It was extremely annoying too because a couple of the girls I was talking too were giving me good signs, but as we all know in pickup if you snooze you lose and I can’t exactly explain to a girl I’m trying to hookup with at a party that I have ANXIETY/DEPRESSION/OSTOMY/CHRONIC PAIN/ETC. I know I always preach that you have to OWN YOUR SHIT, but at the same time I will also tell you if your goal is not a relationship but just a one night stand it’s better to keep any kind of negative energy or feelings to yourself; it may not feel real but I know from personal experience how many encounters I have PERSONALLY lost by telling them about my Ostomy bag too early or whatever (that really only goes for hookups, I’ve noticed if I’m taking things slower with a girl and we’re actually getting to know each other over a longer period of time and multiple dates it actually helps rather than hinders). In the end it’s up to you about how real you want to be, just remember you can still OWN THAT SHIT and not bring it up (even if it’s constantly on your mind). I’m generally still pretty upfront about it but that’s just the type of person I am, direct and confrontational.

            Anyway Californian Amazonian and my other friend’s girlfriend were both super cool, the girlfriend gave me her water cup (I stay far away from alcohol or any kind of cup/container that booze has been in), Californian Amazonian walked around with me and sat down with me while I was feeling sick. I really do feel like I have the most amazing friends, my other friend (damn I need to give him a nickname….. let’s go with He Who Walks on Roofs, because he has this weird obsession with being on the roof) he wouldn’t stop telling me about how awesome he thought I was and how glad he was that we were friends (this may sound like silly drunk talk, but if you’d heard the entire conversation you’d know he meant it).

            I don’t really know how I lucked out with having the most amazing friends in the world but…. I really think someone up there is looking out for me, especially in that department. Sometimes I also think that God is trying to teach me to care about other people and not be so self-centered all the time. I ended up eventually having to leave because the pain got so bad but when I did I was ok with it, perhaps I can’t have a completely normal life, but I can have a FUCKING AWESOME DOPE LIFE INSTEAD!

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