You haven't tried Hard Mode till you have to tuck your shirt in for a modeling shoot while wearing a full Stealth Belt or Ostomy Armor under it 🙃😂
Christ, well that’s probably the most boring title I could ever have come up with haha; at least these blog posts have titles though. You ever tried searching for a specific blog post on someone’s site with no keywords attached to it, meta-tags or even a title to help you figure out which one it was? Just the term “Blog Post” and the Date, not exactly the most helpful thing on the planet.
Well let’s take stock of the situation; I’ve been off my Anti Depressants for almost a month (ish?) now (and more importantly barely noticed that I’ve been off them, rather than last time where I felt like I was literally going to die); I almost never take my Anti Anxiety pills (Clorazepam), which makes me feel pretty amazing (that I don’t have to take them). I rarely take the Adderall that’s prescribed to me (1 – 2 pills a day instead of 3); matter of fact I don’t have to take the pills for my stomach as much either anymore. So I’m getting healthier! And the most important aspect and change I made in my life was following the protocols of NoFap. Hard as hell to survive (especially doing Hard Mode, not exactly my choice but I haven’t got a steady girlfriend or anything so it is what it is); but damn the benefits? Benefits are all fucking worth it, I haven’t felt this strong, happy or motivated in years; my head is more clear, I have more energy etc.
A Famed Boxing Coach once said to always bet on the kid who could control his sexual energy and transmute it into something positive; really he said: “If you bet on this kid everytime you’ll be a rich man”; I never believed in many of the Eastern Medicines and Philosophies until now but….. Is it so strange that Men like Nikola Tesla, Sir Isaac Newton and Winston Churchill were all borderline obsessed with conserving their Sexual Energy? I spent years chasing women, years of my life; studying their habits, understanding the methods and techniques to “get them”. Devising methods to have the best “copy-paste message” on dating sites with the highest percentage of returns; the time I spent in the gym.. The time I spent leveraging my Social Influence to the point where I could run Nightclubs for a living (so I could be “cool” enough to get the girls I had at one point considered out of my league)… Almost bloody appalling what I could have done with all of that time and energy.
Ah well, I had to go through all that (plus the medical stuff and depression and the like); in order to grow up and get to where I am today. That’s just the way it is, I was talking to one of the other models about some of that today. It’s always funny when you have to pretend to talk but you’re in the background, they can’t hear you but you have to actually pretend you’re deep in an animated convo. But anyway she gave me the usual “that’s so horrible” look and shtick when conversation turned to my disability and disease; but I say not so horrible. Sure it makes me want to jump off a bridge sometimes (totally kidding suicide watch, don’t send the cops to my house plz); but without going through all that shit I wouldn’t be the man I am today. Just managing to push through all that bullshit makes me a stronger person, a stronger human being.
Annnnnyyyywaaaay; the modeling shoot/commercial thingy was fun. I thought I was gonna have to pay 40$ for parking (no shit, really; they actually charge that much, I almost cried but hey I’m the one who woke up late); but for some odd reason the automated thingy only charged me 19.62$ despite having been filming for 11 hours. Super dope right? I made some new connections, made some new friends; had an awesome personalized lunch order from the West Alki Sandwich something or other (I really should remember these things it was a pretty amazing sandwich; honestly). Oh and I got paid 200$ so that was pretty dope 😊, I think now that I’m finally motivated again and off those gosh darn Anti Depressants it’s going to be easier to push myself into getting more shoots and gigs. I’m looking forward to the new year, I’m actually starting to enjoy going out with people again and you know actually having a real social life, instead of pretending that I have one for appearances sake, but really just waiting till I can get home to play Skyrim and hang out by myself watching some random HBO Series that has zero effect on my life -_-.
Hehe I only share these blog posts on Twitter; it’s funny I have 184K followers on there. BUT almost nobody I know in real life follows me (unlike Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat); I’m not ashamed of what I’ve written here. These are my REAL thoughts and feelings, what I’m ACTUALLY going through, but all the same I still don’t feel the need to actually share these anywhere else. If people care that much about what’s going on in my head I’m sure they can find these. It’s the Articles that I write that are more important and useful to people; depending on what they’re dealing with.
OH AND LAST THING; I’ll post my speech above this in a separate entry. It was like 14 pages long so…. It might take up a little room 😉; but I still think it’s worth it to be put up there. I mean after all it got a Standing Ovation right? Everyone who’s read it so far loved it and said it sounded very “from the heart”; suppose that’s true. Hard for me to write it, harder still to actually speak it in public. But seeing as that’s what I plan to do for a living I’d better get used to it haha.
Anyway signing off and all that; time to go get some gym time and Modded Skyrim.