Yes I realize the title sounds a bit…. Idiotic wouldn’t be the right word would it? I stopped taking my meds about a week ago (haha isn’t that a line from the Bobby Shumurda song)? No but really I’m quite pleased I’m off that crap, it was kind of an accident since I ended up in the Emergency Room on Wednesday evening due to a blockage and just forgot to take my pills the next day because I was high as fuck on pain meds shot through an IV. I stayed over at my girlfriend’s place and I’m still honestly not used to sleeping at other people’s houses (it takes me awhile to warm up to the idea, I didn’t stay over with my ex till we’d been dating a month). So anyway I didn’t really get any sleep and felt like shit and lo and behold forgot to take my meds again because I basically passed out all day. Saturday rolls around but suddenly I’m starting to feel more energized and strong, just better in general (I realize that manic effects can occur from sudden stoppage of medication like that, but I think I’d realize if I was in a manic state).
I pulled an all nighter tonight to catch up with all of my labs/hw in other classes as well as the business stuff for the TV show. As I write this I literally need to jump in the shower and head to school in like an hour; but I feel great! I noticed I was losing a ton of energy even on a combo of Wellbutrin (Bupropion) and Prozac (Fluoxetine) like literally fatigue all the time, anxiety all the time (which I combated with a benzo called Klonopin). I haven’t taken my Klonopin in the same amount of time and I haven’t really noticed the difference of it being gone. I almost wonder if perhaps I never originally had depression in the first place, but it was a temporary state of mind from the tough situations I was going through a few months ago. Who knows? Anyway I shall keep documentation on what’s going on and write everything out, to not only keep tabs on the state of my emotional/mental well being but also because I find the way the drugs affect the brain fascinating! Also before anyone freaks out on me I’ll call my psych tomorrow and let him know that I’ve decided to discontinue usage of the scrip meds (just so there’s someone looking out for me, I mean they do say you can die from stopping benzos cold turkey like this).
Things have been going pretty damn well with the show, I won’t really be able to train this week (because I’m stuck doing my actual job, which is being Co-Producer and hence actually making things happen), it makes me a bit sad I won’t be able to train with the guys (especially because my gym performance in the last week has improved vastly, literally just from dropping the SSRI’S and not having that chronic fatigue), but this show has to get done and it feels pretty good to have such a big contributing role to making it happen!
Now I know I haven’t done anything super awesome yet or that’s made me super well known and brought world awareness to the disability and my original purpose for this site; however I think I’m doing pretty good for a kid that was sitting in the hospital with his guts all wrecked and atrophying (dying, I think that’s the word or it was Bowel Necrosis, I’m not sure how to put that in the plural version needed to complete that sentence and I don’t care enough to look it up) just a couple months ago. Also now that I’m not so tired all the time hopefully I’ll be able to start blogging regularly again! Hooray! Down with Anti-Depressants! Just kidding, they really do help some people; I just may not be one of them.