5 Ways to Pretend You’re in the Mafia

Yes I think it's fucking hilarious to walk around with a leather jacket mumbling "Forget about it" (oh c'mon nobody remembers that?)


One fine night I got drunk at a party I was throwing and decided to talk like a character from "The Sopranos" just to see what would happen (or maybe I'm just a bloody nutcase, who fucking knows)? Here are some of the things I did and YOU CAN DO TOO!


  1. It's all about that Leather Jacket baby GET ONE; I mean a suit can totally be mistaken for you just being a businessman or something and you want to be known as a Wiseguy right? There's a difference, and it's all about that Leather Jacket (PROTIP: Try dirtying it up a little bit like you've been in a scuffle). Also IT'S NOT PROPER IF YOU'RE NOT WEARING A WIFE BEATER UNDER IT. I don't care if it's cold, do it anyway.


  1. Talk like the guys off "The Sopranos"; It's not as hard as you think. Really, watch a couple episodes and you can emulate them quite easily. It's kind of fun too, FORGET ABOUT IT! Oh and add a y to everyone's name like... Chris becomes Chrissy, Paul becomes Pauly, John becomes Johnny and so on and so forth. I actually called my Public Relations guy Chrissy for a year back when we were running Nightclubs before he finally even caught on that I was doing it.


  1. SLICK YOUR HAIR BACK! Oh yeah this one is fun, how are you gonna be mobster without slicked back hair huh? Doesn't work, you need high quality grease! Not only that but you can also be a Greaser for Halloween if you want!


  1. Smoke cigarettes; Yeah none of that vaping douche flute shit, smoke cigs because real Mob Guys smoke cigs (or at least they do in the movies, who knows what they do it real life haha).


  1. Go somewhere people will respect your orders and give them in a loud Italian accent; Dunno what this one will be for you but for me it was at the house parties I would throw for money. Bark orders at the Security Guards and do a bump of cocaine with them later (hehe just joking on that last part). However Mafioso were quite respected in the movies and to pretend to be one effectively so will you!


Good lord I have no idea what's wrong with me, what was even the point of this article? Hopefully it was a laugh for you reading it because it was certainly a laugh for me to write it!!


- Ostomybagswag 😀

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